Life and subby are pretty sneaky and relentless.
Please forgive if it seems like I’m jumping around the place. I will get to a point somewhere near the end of this. 🙂
I have gotten messages from some of y’all, and I really do appreciate the comments and concerns. It truly means so much to me! Rest assured I am still here and still plugging away. Now to be totally honest, maybe not as much as I should of been. It really is true on how your subby creates situations to feed the addictions of certain feelings. Those damn peptides! So yes it still is an ongoing battle with that old blueprint.
I had made plenty of progress on the “off” week. Gave me a chance to catch up on certain things and sorta of charge my batteries. Things looking up again! Here comes the old blueprint again…
December has always been tough. Not because of the holidays or anything like that. The 21st is the anniversary of my mother’s passing. One of those things that on a yearly basis just knocks the wind out of me.
For the past four years I have been in a relationship with a firecracker of a woman. And I love the fact that her name is Hope. Life has definitely been a roller coaster. For she is bipolar with manic depression. And yes, I was fully aware this when I entered this relationship. Another one of those subconscious things of getting into a relationship where I’m the one that has to provide and fix things. And end result is things get better, relationship falls apart. But on this case, there is no fixing it. Something I have never encountered before. Good and bad about this. Well actually bad. So while I’m here my peptides continue to get fed. And I know these peptides are not healthy for MY well being and letting my light come through. I know the disease she has is real and I know it is something that will never end. And I realized this as I would go visit her in the hospital this past week. So now I’m in a place where there is a constant cloud of negativity and despair.
So I’ve been sitting. And reading. And sitting. And more sitting. Many times away from home. In the car. At the park before a long hike. But sitting and listening. Each time hearing “Use the laws”. And believe me I have used all seven laws in the past couple of weeks. With four habits we call PERSISTENCE!
1. Law of substitution – every time Hope or myself get in negative situations, I think about our trip to the coast and we had such a wonderful time.
2. Law of relaxation –
With using the law of substitution, it automatically brought a state of relaxation.
3. Law of practice –
This one should be self explanatory. With as many moments of needing to use any particular law, I have gotten plenty of practice.
4. Law of forgiveness – forgive the things that have been said to me knowing that it cannot be helped.
5. Law of dual thought – attaching a feeling of gratefulness knowing that all of this is making me stronger.
6. Law of subconscious – having full faith that persistence will manifest conditions to get me through this.
7. Law of growth – with my DMP in hand and continuous reading, this already is manifesting.
So with these laws, I am digging in again.
On the last webby, Mark asked us to read our one sentence DMP for 50 minutes in front of the mirror. The amount of emotions that went through me in that short time frame is in one word, remarkable! I cried. I laughed. I got angry. And I cried again. All in all, it drove a deeper belief in me and saw chunks of concrete just falling off.
I’m back on my bike and not falling off it again!
Thank you for bearing with me through this blog! I love all of you!